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I'm Scared Of Lonely

Life can be a rat race, you're so busy trying to get to the next level and then before you know it, you've made a living but not a life.

I'm scared of that. I'm scared of only having achievements to show for my life. I'm scared of putting so much focus on a career and purpose that I end up being lonely. I'm scared of striving to make an impact on strangers and not making an impact on those in my life. Living with purpose and having an amazing career is great but I don't want it all if I have no one to share it with.

The people in your life play a vital role and it's important to make time for them. I came to this revelation a few weeks ago when I realized that I wasn't watering my relationships. I wasn't checking in as I should with my loved ones and I wasn't spending time with them, I was doing the bare minimum.

Your relationships are like plants, you need to water and care for them in order for them to grow and survive. I don't want to wake up one day and feel empty because I always chose my needs over the needs of others or wait until something horrible happens to one of my loved ones to start doing what I should have been all along.

People will always be more valuable than money, a career and material possessions. I'm not saying that you should always put your wants and needs on hold whenever someone needs you or that you're not entitled to your "me" time. I'm saying that you need to find a balance between living your life and maintaining relationships with those who you love and adore.

At least I think it's important to find that balance, I've been praying for genuine relationships and God showed me that I wasn't even truly appreciating the relationships I already had. I was expecting people to pour into me fully but I wasn't pouring into them. It's funny how I was praying for what I already had, I just couldn't see it.  My relationships are far from perfect but during the last few weeks, I honestly believe that it's better to have people than no one at all.

I've started checking in more and making a greater effort to remember the little and big things. I've started practicing saying yes to outings more rather than saying no when majority of the time, the other option I choose is to stay home and enjoy my own company. I've started saying "I love you" for no reason at all and asking, "are you really okay?" even when my loved one appears so strong and happy on the outside. I've made it a must to send words of encouragement whenever needed and to remind my loved one constantly that I'm here even if I may not be in a position to be there physically.

"I am here for you" and "I love you" can go a very long way.

There's so much more for me to work on in relation to my relationships, I'm a work in progress but I'm going to get there. When I die, I don't want my headstone to say, " invested in everything but her relationships," I want it to say, "she loved and she was loved." 

The goal is to live a purposeful life and be rich in love. When you're sick or on the floor having a breakdown, money and your career won't help you on those lonely nights. It's the people in your life who are going to help you rebuild everything that you lost. Recognize the value in others before it's too late.

A few years ago, I really didn't care who came and who left, I felt like I could walk alone and I can but I don't want to. It's okay to want people in your life, just don't attach your happiness to them. Get out there, connect and form genuine relationships and friendships. Make amazing memories, you won't regret it. Like everything else in life, there will be good and bad but investing in your relationships is always worth the risk.