Growing up I was told, "marry someone who loves you more than you love them," but now that I'm old enough to have my own experiences, I'm starting to believe that love is not enough when it comes to romantic relationships.
We are bombarded with opinions, movies, books and reality shows that portray this false reality of love. We start to idolize it and believe that love is the cure. We are told repeatedly that love can change a person and when two people are in love they bring out the best in each other.
Don't get me wrong, love is the most powerful thing in the world and to be truly, genuinely loved is such a privilege. That spark, those butterflies, the unconditional love, it is very rare and hard to find. I still desire to marry someone who gives me butterflies and that spark but there is so much more to consider than how someone makes me feel and looks at me.
What matters more is whether he inspires me to be better, his character and whether we are growing together and not apart. The issue with idolizing love is that it makes us have unrealistic expectations of how our partner should be and unhealthy definitions of what love is. We start to believe that if our partner loves us, they should do this and do that. If we love our partner, we should put up with this and that. This type of thinking leads to unhealthy relationships.
You can love someone in the most purest form but that doesn't mean that they're meant to go through life's journey with you.
You can love someone who isn't good for you and that's one reason why love isn't enough. Love can be emotional at times but if you desire a long lasting relationship, you should think more logical. For example, you can love someone who is unambitious and happy with a mediocre life which is in contrast to your personality. Also, your goal may be to get married and have kids whereas your partner may have no such desire. In both instances, the love is there but your goals and desires will take you on two different paths thus it serves no purpose to be together.
Love and compatibility are not the same. Compatibility refers to how well you can co-exist without problems or conflict. Whereas, love is an emotion of strong desire and affection towards someone. Thus, you can love someone without them being compatible for you and vice versa. In order to have a strong relationship there should be both love and compatiblity.
We have all heard "love conquers all ". However, love does not solve all relationship problems.
Relationships and marriages require more than love, they take effort, sacrifice, communication, commitment and patience, amongst other things. A relationship will be tested and tried. There will be moments or periods that the spark you initially felt is replaced with anger, resentment or even hate. You may even question why you chose your partner at all. It's the commitment to work through life's challenges together that will help you through those times. You have to be committed to work things out and love your partner on the days when you don't even like them. Your relationship needs to have a stable foundation.
So, if your relationship is just based on how good your partner makes you feel, the way they look at you, the gifts they buy and their bank account, then it won't last. If it does, more than likely, you'll be very unhappy.
I'm not saying that you should not be with someone you love. I'm simply saying that there needs to be more than love for the relationship to thrive and survive.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
Love yourself before you want to love someone else.
Loving someone does not mean that you should be with them.
It takes more than love to solve some problems.
Love does not entail disrespecting yourself.
Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.- Quentin Crisp
Char is the Editor of doseofinspiration246.com. A firm believer in Christ and has a deep love for her family. Char believes that we should always seek to uplift and encourage each other and she desires to continuously promote positivity.