I have never been physically abused but I know what it feels like to be psychologically abused. Any abuse is bad abuse. When I look at the statistics, I am disheartened to see how many people are abused every year by a partner, family member or otherwise.
I was inspired to write this post when I saw a story of a young lady being abused on social media. The reactions to these stories always leave me speechless. When did we become so inhumane? All of a sudden, everyone wants to play God and act like they never made a mistake or accepted less than they deserved. I saw women commenting saying that she deserved it because she knew what caliber of a man he was. Instead of gossiping and judging the person, why don't you pray for them?
I believe that you should aim to be as neutral as possible unless you were there when the abuse occurred. It's said that there are three sides to a story...his side, her side and the truth. Regardless of whether a woman provoked a man, he does not have the right to put his hands on her and vice versa. Yes, women can have a "smart mouth" and may "fly up" from time to time but if a man knows a woman is "crazy" (they love to call us that) , why entertain her? Find a decent, mature lady who knows how to communicate effectively and express herself in a respectable manner.
Rather than focusing on what she did and whether she deserved it, let's focus on solutions:
- What can we do to help him?
- What can we do to help her?
- What can we do to raise awareness on domestic violence and physical abuse?
Sometimes, men witness their dads or a male figure physically abusing women and grow up believing this is okay. Educating our kids and people in general is so important because these simple things are not always taught at home.
To the women, a man who puts his hands on you does not love you. I repeat, HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU! The relationship may have been good in the beginning but lets focus on the present and not the past. Don't ever believe that you "made" him do it, he is in control of his actions. Don't ever believe that you can't leave because he's the breadwinner and you depend on him for financial assistance, there is ALWAYS a way out. If you can't talk to anyone within your immediate circle, it may be best to seek help from a qualified professional within your community.
It's okay if you're scared but it is very important for you to get all of the help and support you may need. If you have a daughter or desire to have one, would you want her to stay in an abusive relationship? The answer to this question should be no. Set an example for your child and speak out about your domestic violence. It does not need to be publicly but if you choose that forum, stick to it. There are people who need to hear your story.
To those who witness or know of persons who are being abused, offer your support and help to the person. Yes, you can only help those who truly want to be helped and it may "not be your business" as I frequently hear but we need to be there for each other. It's important that the person knows you are willing to help them if needed. Try not to be judgemental, every victim's story is different. The decision to leave may be very easy to you but it isn't always that way to the victim. Leaving may be dangerous and complex, if they refuse to leave, pray for them and let them know you are there when they're ready to file a report or seek help.
This post has mostly focused on domestic violence but physical abuse by anyone should not be tolerated. I know women also abuse men and it's equally wrong. Let's stop finding excuses and passing judgement, we have to do better and stop making a mockery out of serious situations.